My daughter is eighteen and living with her boyfriend's parents' home. She tells me she's fine, she's happy there, and they are taking good care of her by providing a home and meals for her. These are some incredible Christian people who take people in when they see there is a need.
The need for my daughter to move into that house arose when we were told by the city that she couldn't sleep in the "playhouse" outside, that it wasn't coded for that. I understand that and told my daughter she could move back in her room and I'd sleep in Grandma's room. She didn't like the idea of staying in the house, she was enjoying her independence in the "playhouse" and didn't want to give it up. That's when she told her boyfriend she had no place to go and that's when his parents took her in. A true blessing but we could have worked around the situation had my daughter not been so stubborn about taking her room back.
I saw my daughter on the Forth of July celebration we went to. She looked terrible and now I'm very worried about her. She has dark circles under her eyes, is moving very slowly, there's not a hint of joy in her eyes, they look flat to me, lifeless. I am worried sick about her. Her depression started a long time ago and she used to take medication for it and that made things better for her. Now that she's legally and adult there's nothing I can do about making her take meds.
So she is struggling for no reason and I blame myself.
I gave up a lot of time with my daughter to help my mother before my daughter and I moved back in with Mom. I am concerned that all that time lost had a very negative effect on my daughter. I realize that her depression is hereditary, I and my son have the same problem with mental disorders. I believe that my time spent with Mom instead of my daughter kicked in her depression or made it worse. Her dad was not in the picture at all so there was no one else for her as far as family was concerned.
Death and dying and taking care of our family members is a part of life but when it comes to someone like my daughter who was hurt badly by people she trusted before I started caring for Mom, I think it deepens a sense of isolation from being loved and cared for. My daughter was hurt by the people in her life she should have been able to trust and that gave her irreparable scars and now she is so depressed and so distant I worry about her.
I wouldn't give up taking care of my Mom for anything, there's no one else to do it and she wants no one else to be here with her. These are the last months or years of her life and she deserves my best attention. But so does my daughter. The only thing that makes me feel better at all about this dilemma is knowing (hoping) my daughter and I will have time together after Mom is gone. I'm counting on being able to mend our relationship then when I have time to. I pray she'll be okay till then.
1 comment:
I think you and your daughter will be fine once she realizes why and what you're doing for your Mother. After all, if it wasn't for your Mother , there would be no you. And I believe in the end your daughter will realize the same thing about you. I wish you both well and I will be praying for you both. Stay strong and be there when your Mother or your children need you.
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