Borrowed from The Quotations Page
- "Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."
This quote by Sir Winston Churchill helped me see the light when it came to my saddened heart when I look at Mom sitting next to me. My heart felt sad for all she has to go through in aging (she's 84) and sadness that the aging has robbed her of her freedom, independence, ability take only five minutes to go to the bathroom, the ability to sleep through the night without getting up to go potty, and her memory of how to knit, which is something she loved to do and was very good at. There's so much more that saddens me when I see Mom the way she is today, using a walker and shuffling slowly across the house, sleeping most of the day away in her arm chair, not being able to hear us even when we speak very loudly and slowly to her. The tremors of Parkinson's Disease, the indentation in her tee shirt where a breast should be, the puzzled look on her face as she tries to figure out what people in the room are saying and if they are saying anything about her.
There is so much that saddens my heart for this woman, my mother, who used to be active with us kids and at our schools and our church. She was famous at a pot luck for her lemon jello cake (yum!) or pineapple upside down cake, or her million dollar casserole (yum yum!). She used to sew costumes at Halloween for all four kids, bake cookies for the school bake off, bake and decorate cakes for anyone and everyone for a nominal charge of $10. She kept our doctor and dentist appointments straight, knew who needed what and when they needed it, she made sure we had it. Our school and church clothes were sewn by her, our birthday parties always had a great theme and fun games to play, our house was always clean (except for my closet which is where I threw everything from my room into so my room would pass inspection) and we had a hot breakfast every morning, homemade well-balanced lunches for school (with two different kinds of homemade cookies in them) and we all had a homemade dinner together every night.
She provided everything for us, made us take care of ourselves and our living spaces, kept on top of our chores, didn't give an allowance for anything because she saved every penny she could so she could give us the things we really wanted at Christmas and our birthdays.
I am so highly grateful to this woman who did so much for me, for all us kids, by herself after Dad died in the line of duty when we were all small. She was and still is amazing. She never complains but once in a while, usually when something starts bothering her so much she can't stand it anymore. (Like the jeans she can't stand to see me wear, the ones that you purchase from the store already torn and faded.. lol) She says she doesn't have pain and when she does she won't say anything - I have to ask her to find out she needs her one aspirin she allows herself when pain gets that bad.
The quotation may not be exactly on the same train of thought but I think you probably get it. When I would look at Mom and feel sorry for her, wonder how she can stand being old and dealing with all that old age has cast upon her, all the changes, all the losses, all the inconveniences, having to depend on someone else for her basic needs. Now I am trying my best to look at her in way that she is walking through a journey, proud of what she has accomplished and all that she has done as a mother, the good friend and wife she was throughout her lifetime, (she is still very good friends with people she was best friends wtih in elementary school - that would be over seventy years of close friendship!). She can be tired if she needs to be, be taken care of finally, after all the care taking she did through the years. She can let me be here for her the way she was here for me when I needed her. It probably feels good knowing she was a great Mom who did her very best without Dad, she's still loved by those friends from school way back then, and her family is close by and would do anything for her. The way she always did for them.
She still gets to enjoy the joy and glory of the climb and it's not over yet, thank God. Hopefully Mom will be climbing in that joy and glory for many years to come.
And here's Mom, trying to stay awake while browsing a magazine for dinner recipes. She's had a long day (me too!) as it was the day of her hair appointment. Isn't she beautiful?
