Caretaking Notes: A Few Things I Learned While Taking Care Of Mom

I have been running myself ragged taking care of people and have run myself into the ground.
Take a lesson from me, don't do this to yourself.  It takes a long time to recover from all the care giving if you don't take care of yourself first and foremost.   They say,  "You can't take care of someone else if you don't take care of yourself first" and how true it is!

Here's a few things I've learned in the past four years of being Mom's caretaker.

1. I ought to stop trying to get Mom's approval.  In my mind I'll never get it but if I sit back and think about it, I do have it now.  Otherwise I wouldn't be the one Mom wants to take care of her.  In her own weird way she has finally given me her approval and I should try to be comfortable with it.  
2. Being grateful for the time I am able to spend with Mom is another thing I need to keep in the forefront of my mind instead of thinking of all the things I could be doing if I weren't "stuck" here.  I am deeply blessed to be able to be here for Mom, I wouldn't have it any other way.  Anything else out there in the world can wait - Mom's needs are most important now that she is becoming more and more dependent upon me.  
3. If I stop and do my best to put myself in Mom's shoes, or should I say, In Mom's slippers , ha. I have a better attitude and get less frustrated when she doesn't answer me, or takes a long time to answer my questions about meals and such.  She is very hard of hearing and when I think of what it must be like to have people get frustrated and a bit angry because of her hearing trouble, my heart softens and the frustration and impatience melts away.  It makes me want to hug her and hold her - except Mom and I don't really do that - so I bake a batch of brownies instead to let her know how much I am thinking of her and love her.  I know how that sounds - the association of food and love - but no one here is having weight problems because of that so no Jenny Craig referrals please.  (grin)
4. Mom just wants my company, whether she can hear me or not, whether we have anything to say to each other or not.  She simply wants me to be here with her.  I don't have to stand on my head to entertain her or tell her wonderful stories about my life outside the house (thank God!  Because I have no life outside the house!  ha)  Mom wants me to watch Oprah with her every afternoon at three, and then Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune every evening.  It's really not much to ask anyone is it?  (There's something about becoming convalescent that makes one enjoy Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune so much, when one has never watched them before.  I think it's a rule of old age or something, I don't know.)  I don't think Mom can even hear what anyone is saying on the television.  Still she sits there with her delicate hands folded in her lap with a slight smile on her face and her eyes riveted to the t.v. screen as if she's not missing a thing.  
5. Mom won't tell me when she has pain so I need to ask her everyday, at least once or twice a day to be sure she's comfortable.  This woman has an incredibly high tolerance for pain and one little aspirin is all it takes to get rid of whatever is giving her trouble.   The trouble lies in that the one little aspirin knocks her out - well, puts her to sleep so she usually asks me if I want her to go to sleep when I give her one for pain.  I tell her, "No Mom, this is for your back pain" and she says, "Oh, I thought you wanted me to go to sleep" and I can hear the words she doesn't say, "to get me out of your way".  Mom, you're never "in my way, you've not yet been a burden to me, you've never made anything difficult for me"  I think to myself.  (Why can't my Mom and I talk out loud to each other like this?
6. I want to tell Mom I love her - with words coming out of my mouth, not just by showing her.  This, along with the hugging, is something my mother and I have never been very comfortable with.  I think I can count on one hand the times she's told me she loved me in those very words.  Don't get me wrong, I know she loves me, she has shown me the greatest love a parent could show their child.  We have a weird "love word" blockage from something in our past maybe.  I just want to be able to say it to her so she can hear it and believe it before she dies.  She's done so much for me all my life and I want her to know now that I am doing for her I do love her more than ever.  It's going to have to come out without me thinking about it though.  I almost said it but stopped myself and there was this big long silent moment following my words "I looo...v." a very awkward moment, indeed.  I didn't know what to do, I just stood there with my mouth open and suddenly, thank God the phone rang and broke my silent panic.  I'm not even sure she heard what I was about to say, I kind of stuttered it out and never finished it.  That's not the way I want Mom to her me tell her that I love her.  Not at all.  This is  something I need to make happen before she dies.  I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she died not hearing those words from me.  My heart would break for her.
7. I need to get some support and encouragement from other family caregivers.  There are a lot of books out there to buy and browse through that are very good in educating caregivers but there's nothing like simple talking to others who know what I'm going through.  My second quest would be to find a support group for caregivers in my town or on the internet.  (First quest being me telling Mom I love her)

When I find support groups for family caregivers on the internet I'll post them in the sidebar.  There's a lady who has been caring for her husband who had a stroke for ten years that I just "met" online.  She has a blog that is very well written, informative, moving, and just plain nice.  Her site can be found here  

Some caregiver books are featured below:

Flowers N Lace Crocheted Earrings; Pattern by Anitalite ;-)_

I was making a doily from a book I ordered and received today, and put it down suddenly so I could make these earrings.  They kind of popped into my head, I believe the doily did it to me this time.   Thanks Patricia for the inspiration motivation.  I'll never be the designer that Patricia is, I don't consider myself a designer at all, just out to have fun and "hook"...  

Materials:

1 partial ball white size 10 crochet thread
1 partial ball rose (or any other color) size 10 crochet thread (color 2)
1 steel crochet hook, size 7
1 pair hoop earrings 1.5" diameter
3 small white beads for middle of flowers (optional)
   or
1 yarn needle for making french knot <--- click for tutorial on youtube.com - for flower centers (optional)

Row 1:

Attach white with sl st, keeping hoop inside stitches, 6   (sc, ch 3) 5 times, 6 sc, sl st,   ch 3, turn.

Row 2:

sk 1 sc, sc in next, (ch 3, sk 1 sc, sc in next) two times; (ch 3, sc in top of ch 3 loop) 5 times, (sc in next sc, ch 3, sk 1 sc, sc in next sc) 3 times, sl st to hoop

Row 3:

sc in first ch 3 loop, sl st to 5th ch 3 loop; (ch 3, sc in next loop) 3 times; ch 3 sl st in next loop and to end of row.
ch 1, tyrn.

Row 4:

sl st to middle of first ch 3 loop, (ch 3, sc in next loop) twice, ch 3, sl st in next loop, sl st to end; fasten off, weave in ends.

Row 5:

Attach color 2 to first loop of row 3 with sl st.   (ch 4, sl st in 1st ch of ch 4 four times, join all four picots with sl st in same sc)- one quad picot flower made.  ch 3, sc in middle ch 3 loop, ch 3 sc in last loop, make quad picot flower., sl st once more inside same loop.  fasten off, weave in ends.

Row 6:

attach white (main color) to ch 3 loop of last row with sc.  sc in middle sc (between two color 2 loops) and sc in next ch 3 loop, ch 1, turn

Row 7:

sl st in first sc, (hdc, dc, hdc) in middle sc, sl st in last sc.


Row 8:


sl st into first hdc st, make picot (ch 4, sl st in same st) ch 3 sc in dc, ch 3, sl st in next hdc, make picot, sl st in ch 3 loop (color 2) of row 5 (to anchor picot and end row) fasten off, weave in ends.

Middle flower:


attach color 2 (rose) to both posts of dc from row 7.  (ch 4, sl st in first ch, sl st tog in both posts of same dc) 4 times, sl st once more into same dc.  fasten off.

Row 9:
with front side of work facing,
attach main color (white) directly to hoop, just right of first stitch of first row.  sl st in next three stitches, ch 3, sk 1 st, sl st in next.  ch 3, skip 1 st, sl st in next st.  working behind flowers, sc in next loop, ch 1, sc in next space right of first color 2 flower, ch 1, sc in next space to left of same flower, ch 1, sc into closest available space on same row, behind middle cluster (hdc, dc, hdc cluster), ch 1, sc into next available space of same row behind st cluster, ch 1, sc into space just before 2nd color 2 flower, ch 1, sc into space just after same flower (both of the last two sc will be inside the ch 3 loop of  row 5 (color 2) and will be covering the color 2 st so it will show white instead of color 2 (rose).   ch 3, (you should now be where the sl st started (or ended) from row 4 - sl st in first sl st, (ch 3, skip 1 st, sl st in next)  3 times, sl st hoop inside sl st at end and finish off.

Add small beads or french knots into middle of all three color 2 (rose) picots, if desired.

This pattern has not been tested, please record any errors corrections in comments below or you can email corrections to me here  thank you and have fun!

copyright 2010 anitalite ;-)_

Beaded Crown Crochet Earrings

I had so much fun making the first pair of earrings (free pattern for Lacy Earrings by Anitalite here) I couldn't wait to come up with another, different pair of earrings.

  

  

Materials:

1 partial ball variegated size 10 crochet thread

1 pair 1" diameter hoop earrings (silvertone)

steel crochet hook size 7

60 clear glass beads  60 gm, 12/0 (or any size you prefer as these were pretty time consuming to string on this thread)

 

Special Instructions :

1. String beads onto crochet thread before begining work.
2. Keep stitch tension evenly tight so that beads stay in place and don't travel.
3. This pattern is not tested, use at your own risk.  =)
4. The word "bead" preceding any stitch means to add a bead to the first yo of that stitch.
5. Special stitches listed below
6. Photos of sc onto hoop are here towards bottom of page if you need a bit of help.

Special Stitches:

Bead Picot  3 bead ch, sl st in first bead ch
Bead Triple Picot  3 bead picot in a row, sl st to very first bead ch of first picot (makes three picots together)



Row 1:    After stringing beads onto thread, attach thread to hoop with sc, 19 sc onto hoop (keep stitches tight)
ch1, turn (20 sc)

Row 2:  (working in front loop only of sc row): skip 4 sc, bead dc in 5th sc, ch 1, *bead dc, ch 1.  Repeat from * across until four sc remaining from row 1. ch 2 more, sl st to last st on row 1.  (11 bead dc)

Row 3:   ch 3, turn.   sc in first ch 3 loop, *ch 3, skip dc, sc in ch 1, .  Repeat from * until there are 7 ch 3 loops. ch 3, sc in ch 3 loop from row 1; ch 3,  turn.

Row 4:   bead sc in first ch 3 loop,  * ch 3, 3 bead dc in next loop, ch 3, bead sc in next loop.  Repeat from * one more time, ch 3, 3 bead dc in next loop, ch 1, bead sc in last.  ch 3, turn.

Row 5:    sc in ch 3 loop, ch 1,  skip first dc, sc in next dc.  *ch 3, sc in top of next ch 3 loop; repeat from * once.  ch 1, bead triple picot; ch 1, sc in next ch 3 loop, ch 3, sc in next ch 3 loop,  ch 3 sc in middle dc of beaded dc cluster, ch 1, sc in ch 3 loop, ch 1, sc in last ch 3 loop.  Ch 3, turn.

Row 6:   skip 1st ch 3 loop, bead sc in sc, ch 3 bead tr in next loop, bead picot, ch 3, bead sc in next loop.
ch 2, bead ch, ch 2, bead ch, ch 2, bead picot, ch 2, bead ch, ch 2, bead ch, ch 2.
skip triple picot, bead sc in next ch 3 loop.
ch 5, bead tr in next ch 3 loop, bead picot, sl st in top of same bead tr.
ch 5, bead sc in next ch 3 loop, ch 3, fasten off and weave in ends.

For sec0nd earring, be sure to hold hoop in hand the opposite way the first one was held to make sure the beading will be on the correct side.  If there are any beads (in ch st or picot) that are on the wrong side, just poke them through to the other side.  That worked for me.

I'm really not sure this pattern is 100 % bullet proof so if you come across any errors please let me know in the comment section below.

Thank you and have a good time.  These earrings were fun to make - the pattern was not.  lol.  Hopefully I  didn't screw it up too much.

copyright 2010 anitalite ;-)_

Heart Ornament - Free Pattern

I started out using the granny heart pattern by decafgreentea on Ravelry** which can be found for free, here

With a size 7 steel crochet hook and some red bedspread-weight cotton crochet thread, I made the first two rounds as the pattern goes. 
when the pattern calls to change color, I attached white, did the next round...

Wanting the heart to be more lacy to go with my other ornaments, I chose not to do the fourth round in that original pattern.

Here's what I did instead:

(Instead of changing color, stay with white and)
 
 sl st to the ch 3 space at top and left of heart. 

*(ch 3, sc in space) twice. 

 (ch 3, sc in next sc) 8 times
(you'll be about midway to point of heart)

(ch 3 sk 1 sc, sc in next sc) 4 times

ch 3, dc in point of heart, picot (ch 3, sl st in first chain), sl st in same dc, dc in same sc as first dc,

(ch 3 sk 1 sc) 4 times

(ch 3 sc in next sc) 8 times

ch 3 sl st in V of heart (top) and then sl st to join to last sl st in beg of this round.

fasten off and weave in all ends.

After this round the heart will measure approximately 2" X 2".


I looped red satin ribbon (1/8") through the space in the dip in top of the heart, tied a tiny bow, and instead of letting the ends hang down (which took away from the heart itself) I tied the ends in one slip knot above the heart for a loop to hang on my tree this year.
(I can't wait for Christmas.  Our tree is going to be even more beautiful than it was last year!)

I may try adding one more round (or two?) to make it a bit bigger but it's very cute as it stands at 2".

Note:  If I need to make corrections to this let me know, I'm not very experienced with writing patterns and I'm horrible telling people how to do something.  lol.

** Ravelry is a wonderful site that unites knitters and crocheters (some call us "hookers" - tools of the trade, lol) in a close knit (trying to be punny) community that offers solutions to your yarn obsessions (knit it! crochet it!) and a multitude of awesome free patterns, groups that cater to a specific interest or need, designers, tipsters, forums, and a way for you to easily (I MEAN EASILY!) post your own yarn creations, keep track of your progress in a project, save favorites to your own file so you can get back to them after you've gotten through the fifty projects you already have going, interaction with a lot of really cool people (NOT just ladies, men too.)  There are female, male, teenage kids, elderly, middle age, you get the idea.  There are over 2500 members online at any one given time and there are over 10, 000 members in all!    That makes for a lot of people to meet, patterns to download and try, projects to discuss, designers to get to know, and friends to make who share the same intersts as you do. 
If you haven't checked it out already I strongly suggest you do.  Someone spent a lot of time making sure this site is extremely user friendly! 
There's so much at Ravelry that is awesome, helpful and beautiful, I can't get it all down here so you'll just have to see for yourself.  (smile)  Go Here

Crazy Cake Recipe

Crazy Cake
A delightfully rich and moist cake that is easy and fun to make.  Even a bachelor can do it and make a great impression on the ladies.

•  Using a 9" round glass cake dish, measure into a sifter and sift together right into the cake dish the dry ingredients:

     1 1/2  (one and one half) Cups flour
     1  C sugar
      1 tsp   baking soda
     1/2 (one half) tsp  salt (optional)
      3 Tbsp   unsweetened cocoa

• Stir together the ingredients above in the cake dish, mixing well.

• Make three well-holes in the dry ingredients with a spoon: 

1 large "well"

1 medium "well"
1 small "well"

• In the biggest of the wells put     5 Tbsp vegetable oil

• In the middle sized well, put       1 Tbsp vinegar

• In the smallest well put      1 tsp vanilla

• Pour 1 Cup cold water over all  

•  Stir all ingredients together very well using a spatula

to smash and mix in lumps and to scrape the sides and
bottom of the cake dish to make sure
all the dry gets mixed with the wet.

• Bake in a moderate oven at 325 degrees for 25 minutes.  

 (Note:
If you stick a toothpick into the cake to check for doneness it'll probably always come out with moist crumbs on it so don't use that for a test.  Just tap your finger on top of the middle of the cake and if it springs back and the cake doesn't smell burnt yet, it's done!)

• Now you can serve it as is (good warm and cold) with ice cream, or
• Let it cool and make it fancy by placing a pretty paper doily on top and then sifting powdered sugar over all.  Remove the doily and you've got a beautifully decorated cake

Uncle Don's Chocolately, Moist, "Crazy Cake" Recipe

My Uncle Don was a bachelor and not much of a cook according to Mom.  Her brother died in his sleep when he was only forty five and when we were going through his things in his home following his death, we came across this recipe for  "Crazy Cake".  We have no idea where he got the recipe but we've found this recipe to be tried and true for any occasion.  It can be a snack on Saturday afternoon or served for dessert after an elegant dinner.  If you love chocolate you'll love this yummy moist cake!  (Photo of finished cake at bottom of this page.)

Crazy Cake
A delightfully rich and moist cake that is easy and fun to make.  Even a bachelor can do it and make a great impression on the ladies.

•  Using a 9" round glass cake dish, measure into a sifter and sift together right into the cake dish the dry ingredients:

     1 1/2  (one and one half) Cups flour
     1  C sugar
      1 tsp   baking soda
     1/2 (one half) tsp  salt (optional)
      3 Tbsp   unsweetened cocoa

• Stir together the ingredients above in the cake dish, mixing well.

• Make three well-holes in the dry ingredients with a spoon: 

1 large "well"

1 medium "well"
1 small "well"

• In the biggest of the wells put     5 Tbsp vegetable oil

• In the middle sized well, put       1 Tbsp vinegar

• In the smallest well put      1 tsp vanilla

• Pour 1 Cup cold water over all  

•  Stir all ingredients together very well using a spatula

to smash and mix in lumps and to scrape the sides and
bottom of the cake dish to make sure
all the dry gets mixed with the wet.

• Bake in a moderate oven at 325 degrees for 25 minutes.  

 (Note:
If you stick a toothpick into the cake to check for doneness it'll probably always come out with moist crumbs on it so don't use that for a test.  Just tap your finger on top of the middle of the cake and if it springs back and the cake doesn't smell burnt yet, it's done!)

• Now you can serve it as is (good warm and cold) with ice cream, or
• Let it cool and make it fancy by placing a pretty paper doily on top and then sifting powdered sugar over all.  Remove the doily and you've got a beautifully decorated cake!

For a printable page (no photos)  of this recipe, click here

Starting A Project, Finishing A Project

Do you finish every project you start?
How many unfinished projects do you have laying about your house, waiting for you to pick them back up and finish them?
What makes you stop working on a project you started?
How do you get yourself to finish something you put down?

I am notorious for not finishing my projects whether it be crocheting, oil painting, even learning a new piece on the piano. It seems like I get to a certain point (never really the same "point" in any project) and something makes me put it down. Sometimes it'll be years before I get the (?) whatever it is that I can't name - to pick up the project and work on it again. For example, my 12 year afghan.

Another example would be all the sewing I started, mending I never finished, and on and on.
Or a piece that Eric Clampton wrote that I love and was teaching myself to play on the piano. I got through the first few stanzas, it started sounding pretty good and then - ? - I stopped, left the sheet music for "Tears In Heaven" on top of my old upright, never to look at it again.

What makes me do this? Am I afraid to finish anything for fear it won't be perfect?

Leave a comment and tell me what you think. It's driving me nuts. It's driving my family nuts too because I have little piles of projects all over the place that I don't put away anywhere, waiting for me to work on them. I am afraid to put them on a shelf in the closet (there wouldn't be room there anyway!) for fear I would forget about them.

How do you get started?
More importantly, how do you make sure you finish your work?
What do you do with your project when you're done with it?

I would have posted photos of all the messes I have - well, projects I am working on all over the house but it's too embarrassing. lol. Maybe I will anyway.